Senatorial Deadpool Update: John McCain Might be Dying

Make sure to contact your bookie today people, things could turn at any time.

Yesterday was a big day for politics, considering the Comey hearing was not only an important next step in a national investigation, but also a reason to daydrink. I didn’t actually partake in the day drinking part (that’s not a morality thing I just overslept) but I did manage to catch the last hour or so of the hearing. During my time watching the hearing I came to one clear conclusion, John McCain is dying.

Yes that’s right, John McCain, 80-year-old American senator from Arizona, is going to die soon. This information became clear while watching his questioning of former FBI director James Comey. During his questioning time, McCain repeated a lot of statements, confused Comey and Trump at length at one point, and seemed generally confused. It was clear from his intermittent looking down during the questioning that McCain or someone else had prepared talking points for the hearing, but he seemed confused by his own questions at times.

So What?

Hot takes are hot takes and you know we have a lot of love for them at BB, but I’m not even sure this qualifies at one. I mean, is it a hot take to say an 80-year-old man probably has health issues? Not really, especially an 80-year-old with a job as stressful as U.S. senator. McCain is not the oldest sitting senator (he’s 8th currently), but he’s only off by three years. It’s not crazy to assume he’s nearing the end of his life.

The impact of this news, however, does put our senatorial deadpool power rankings completely on their head. After yesterday McCain has unquestionably moved to the top of the big four, passing Chuck Grassley (83), Diane Feinstein (83), and Orrin Hatch(83). The other three senators are older than McCain but haven’t shown serious signs of mental deterioration outside of the time Grassley tried to pass a bill that would move the nation’s capital to Cedar Rapids. Despite being three years the junior of all three of those senators, McCain’s complete apparent lack of mental faculties has us thinking he just may kick the bucket before anyone else.

If it wasn’t clear before, McCain’s own excuse for his behavior, staying up to watch a Diamondbacks game , should seal the deal. No one watches the Diamondbacks, senator, even when they’re good. I’m willing to bet if we put him under oath and asked why he was speaking nonsense, he’d just drool and say the Ecuadorian nurses are stealing jewelry off of his nightstand. Regardless of the senator’s jewelry situation, we’ll keep you posted on this developing Cinderella story.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Orrin Hatch shouldn’t be on this list, he’s going to be raptured before he dies, that doesn’t count.

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