Movies I Regret Watching With My Parents part II

300

I am a huge fan of 300. I own it, I’ve seen it over a dozen times, and I am a huge fan of Snyder. The action is absolutely top notch, the performances are sufficiently badass, and the aesthetic is gorgeous. But watching it the first time was a completely different story.

Let me paint the picture for you. I was in 4th grade maybe and I was watching TV with one of my best friends at the time. We were flipping through the channels and we eventually got to the premium channels like HBO, Showtime, Starz whatever. I don’t actually remember which one it was, but thats irrelevant. We saw that 300 was just starting. And being 10 or so, we had heard of the movie before from all the ‘super cool’ older middle schoolers bragging about sneaking into theaters to watch it, or watching it ‘after their parents went to bed’ or some such nonsense. Now I don’t know if you remember being that age, but anyone older than you was automatically as cool as parachute pants were in the 90s. They were the shit, and everything they say goes. I remember my brother’s friend once convinced me that there was a blue card in soccer that banned you for life and only one player had ever gotten it…

Yeah kids can be pretty mischievous and gullible. My tangent aside, what I am trying to get at is that kids believe a lot of things older kids tell them, even often times it falls closer to a white lie than anything else. Either way, my friend and I decided to watch 300 for ourselves to show how cool we were. I actually would have seriously enjoyed it had it not beed for the fact that not 3 minutes into the movie my grandmother walks in and decides to join us for the movie. We some how convinced her to let us watch it, and it only got awkward from their.

For those who haven’t seen it, it is super violent, gory, and the worst part, for a 10sih year old watching with his grandmother, theres a bunch of nudity. Pre-Game of Thrones Cersei has a nice sex scene with Gerald Butler, theres a lovely rape scene, so yeah. Also not to mention it was a Gerard Butler movie so we were basically guaranteed to see his ass. Don’t believe me? His ass is in so many GodDamnMovies. That was 30 seconds of googling, he’s been naked loads more times.

Yeah that was a big mistake.

Tropic Thunder

A brilliant, histerical, and really clever movie, Tropic Thunder is one of the best comedies of the 21st century. The jokes all hit, the lines are so memorable, and the characters are all brilliant. I could just spend this whole article quoting the movie, and it would be the funniest article I’ve ever written, because lets be real i’m not that funny. But thats called plagiarism so I’m sorry, you’re stuck with me and my original content.

So my parents don’t know too much about the movie other than the awesome cast (they didn’t know about Tom Cruise until the credits), so they were like sure why not lets go as a family. Now I was 13 almost 14 for this one, so I knew a little about the uh reproductive system at this point. So, squeezed in-between my mother and father, the fake ads and trailers started playing before the movie… They are historical and a great addition to the movie but then theres this one:

Yeah watching that crammed next to my mother in the theater was pretty tough to bear… Would not recommend.

Funny People

Ok, the trailers for this movie look sad, funny, and moving. But my god did they breeze over how much profanity and sexual shit is in there. The movie itself is pretty good, nothing special, but pretty good. Most of the jokes hit, and the moving parts make you feel something. There are a couple great scenes mixed in there too. All in all, I am happy I saw it. But I seriously wish that it was in another way, any other way.

I saw this, again, with my parents in seventh grade. I still to this day have not seen a movie with that much talk about going down on a woman. Jesus. It was next to impossible to look my mother in the eyes for the next few days.

If you remember being that age, are that age, or have kids that age then you know what I’m talking about when I say anything sexual is an uncomfortable topic with your parents. I remember being mortified about simple growing up conversations like discussing the internet because I thought there might be an outside chance porn or sexual predators would come up and hearing those words come out of my parents mouth would be worse than death its self. So yeah hearing Billy Madison talking about going down on a girl, I was less than thrilled.

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