Stop the Search: We Found the Most Unlucky Woman in the World

“Hit a gypsy with your car and get cursed” levels of unlucky.

If you didn’t see this article yet, just know that there is no such thing as a loving god. The story is about a lawsuit pending from one Katrina Bookman. Bookman won 42 million dollars from a slot machine in New York, but instead of being paid, she was escorted out of the casino and told the machine was malfunctioning. Instead of the 42 million she won, she received two dollars and a steak dinner. What quantity of salt do you have to spill in order to be that unlucky? Seriously that’s the highlight and lowlight of your life coming at you in a ten-minute period. I would have burned that casino to the ground, even if the malfunction was legitimate. No place where that shit can happen to you should exist.

The article references another time something like this occurred which begs the question “how do we keep letting this happen?”. People work at slot machine manufacturing plants, how is that not the first thing they check. Just try this; elbow the machine like The Fonz, and then see if it tells you your life has changed permanently. If it does, fix the machine until that doesn’t happen. At least put a sign on it. Something like “WARNING: May cause an existential crisis. In case of malfunction eat steak to keep your hands from tying a noose”.

 

“Eyyyyy you can pay your student loans!”

 

Regardless of court outcome, this is such a bad precedent for casino’s to have. If we just let this one off the hook, they can claim the machine is fucked every time someone wins big. I’m not saying this woman needs 42 million dollars (I’m of the opinion nobody needs 42 million dollars) but like 50k for emotional damages would be good. The odds are okay she had already called her boss and told them to fuck off by the time security came to break the bad news. That’s just the American thing to do.

If this doesn’t resolve with some loss of money “The Malfunction” will become a trademark backroom move in the next year or so. At least it’s more peaceful than breaking someone’s knees, I guess.

SIDE NOTE: If I won 42 Million dollars this wouldn’t be my last post, I would write one more, telling everyone to fuck off. What are they gonna do? Be poor at me?

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