Bold Moves Weekly 6/18-25: We Don’t Have a Plan for Robots

Welcome to Bold Moves Weekly, a segment where I go over what I view as the boldest move of the week. As always it’s important to note; these moves are bold as hell. They may not be good moves, they may not be intelligent, self-preservative moves, but they are certainly bold.


Pictured: Robot laughing at our mistake

Normally BMW focuses on one event or move from the week that I found bold as hell, but this week we’re changing focus a little. This isn’t because surprise healthcare bills and trading #1 draft picks aren’t bold moves, I just thought I would focus on a more dire emergency. That’s right, we’re talking about the robot revolution. It’s more of a lack of move, really. Nothing is being done to prevent the impending problems humanity will face from increased automation. Since this is more a lack of a move than a move itself, that’s all the explanation we really need, let’s get into the most important part.



Every day I see more and more articles talking about where robots are encroaching on human society. They’ve got whatever their equivalent of fingers are in every pie, even sumo wrestling. Call me old fashioned, but until I see a robot die of cardiac arrest I won’t approve of robo-sumo, a name I just made up.

In addition to fat guy fun, robots are getting into more technical endeavors. They’re involved in automated production at factories, investing and account management, and some are even starting to draw. Add in the impending dawn of the sex robot, which I’m sure will reduce the human population by at least 5%, and we have ourselves a slow creep of an apocalypse. Humans are doing nothing against this rolling tide of robotic changes, no one even seems alarmed for the most part. I find that incredibly bold. Somewhere along the line (probably between Terminator 3 and the Terminator TV series) people stopped being afraid of robots taking over the world. I blame Dreamworks for making that one movie in 2005.

In retrospect, it’s clear world domination was their plan

It’s gotta be the boldest move of the century to be this complacent in the face of impending danger, even though we’ve had lots of practice.


I don’t want to sound alarmist, but robots are coming to kill you. Whether it be from lack of employment or tearing you in half with bionic arms. If it’s the employment thing we just need to figure out some new, kinda fake jobs for people to have. Either that or really flood the singer/songwriter market. Assuming it’s violent, Will Smith won’t be in his prime anymore when it’s time to stop them, so we’ll need another plan. It’s clear the army won’t be in play all that much, considering a large portion of the bomb dropping is done remotely these days. I suggest we all figure out how to hide our heat signatures and build EMP’s before it’s too late. By “before it’s too late” I just mean before the sex robots come out. I uh….have a thing I have to do after the sex robots come out.

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