Definitive Proof Airlines are Run by Psychopaths

I’ve been on a crusade against airlines for a sizable amount of time now, but the proof I’ve been looking for is finally here. That’s right, I can prove airlines are run by psychos.

There’s a lot to complain about when it comes to air travel these days. Between rising flight prices, more packed flights, and the possibility you get beaten like a rented mule, people are upset. At this point any rational airline should be in PR crisis mode, but some people just don’t get it. Some crazy bastards see all the destruction in front of them and think “We gotta double down”. That’s the point at which they think of nonsense like this. For those of you too busy to click the link, I’ll provide the meat of the story in a single quote.

“The budget airline’s boss, Michael O’Leary, will talk about his plans to replace 10 rows                         of seats with a standing area as well as introducing a coin-operated toilet on some                               planes in an interview on ITV’s How to Beat the Budget Airlines tonight.”

That’s right, Ryanair has figured out how to beat the airlines with low prices. The answer? Remove the seats from the airplane. Standing room airplanes. Coin operated bathrooms, like a public park at a tourist filled area. There’s a certain level of narcissism at which you think people will bend over backwards to use your service. There’s a whole ‘nother level after that where Michael O’Leary looks out from a high rise and screams “I HAVE DOMAIN OVER THE SKY”.

Bird, this seems like a weird business tactic, but does it really prove all airlines are evil?

Yeah, pretty definitively if I do say so myself. It’s not just that one airline had this terrible idea. It’s that if it happens, other airlines are gonna do it too. I can do standing room on an airplane, mostly because I know if we crash we will all die anyways. Who are you kidding? The seatbelt is gonna help you? The average speed of a plane is 500 miles an hour. I’ve recognized that quick stops at that speed are a death sentence. I can come to terms with that and even have fun conversations about it with the people sitting next to me. What I can’t do is piss myself on an airplane because I don’t have a quarter.

SIDE NOTE: The CNN article about this proposed change starts by questioning whether or not it’s a move to increase class polarization. I don’t think it will have that effect. Sure, the rich won’t have to stand on the plane and will have seats, but when it’s turbulent, the back half of the plane turns into working class missiles.

Anyways, that’s my proof. Only crazy people run airlines, and they literally want you dead if you can’t afford first class. If you think I’m wrong or just want to defend your mom/dad/sister/cousin who is an airline CEO, comment below.

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