What a Gorgeous Day for Patriotic Nostalgia!!
Normally this space would be reserved strictly for your favorite basementbanter column, but I figure it’s appropriate to use it to celebrate what is easily top
5 1 moments in American history.
Just come great history across the board here folks. Today we celebrate our great nation, one that takes no prisoners, doesn’t beat around the bush, and is always on time. Always. We don’t wait around for anything we need or want, we go out and procure it by any means necessary. Sure, someone might get hurt in the process but in reality who cares? That’s life, people get hurt and people who get hurt the least make it the farthest, that’s just a fact.
Now many people will look at the fourth as an excuse to celebrate freedom, and while they’re not wrong per se, I’ve always celebrated the fourth in the name of being a malcontent, the ability, willpower, and space to revolt. This is one of the greatest freedoms to have, the freedom of revolution, something we have all been very lucky to reap the benefits of.
Take a minute to reflect and think about the gallons of tea dumped, the men shot, and the documents signed to ensure that we can be in the position that we are. When you are out and about tonight watching things burn or explode in the name of America, and you have to get in real close to that fat, sweaty, drunk, beautiful someone, before you judge just remember that people fought very hard to try and create a place where you two are equal, and keep that in your back pocket.
So today we not only raise our glasses, bottles, cans, cups in the name of dissent and revolution, the fine art of disruption, the delicate science of dissent. But we also raise our various drinking vessels to debauchery, success, and power, three things that define America and everyone in it, and without which we wouldn’t all be standing here today.
Have a happy fourth everybody, now LET’S GET IT.