A Fun New Game Show Feat. Jeff Sessions

It’s Time for America’s favorite new game show “Is He Fucked?”. We examine whether or not a celebrity, political figure, or general person of note is about to get fucked.

In the current Trump administration, fall guys and distractions are sprouting up left and right. Most recently Anthony Scaramucci has come onboard as WH communications director, causing the departure of Sean Spicer. Spicer, who probably saw the event for what it was, an oppurtunity to leave, got out while the getting was good. He managed to avoid going the way of Paul Manafort and others before him, ousted by the press combined with their boss’ serial knack for blowing a gasket. Even Jared Kushner, supposed beloved son of Trump, looks like he might be in for some shit in the near future.

Jeff Sessions is a lot of things. A soft spoken southern schoolboy. A historically noted civil rights detractor who believes smoking weed inherently makes you a bad person. But is he a fall guy?


When bae says you can seize her assets without
a conviction

This question comes up today in particular. After a series of tweets, including one in which Trump referred to Sessions as “beleaguered”, it seems tensions are at an all time high. They’ve probably been that way since news that Jeff Sessions had recused himself from the Russia investigation broke in March. With all this in mind it’s time to play the game. Say it with me. IS. HE. FUCKED?

Reasons He’s Not:

1. It’s Not In His Nature

Those who would say no would argue that, after a lifetime of politics, Jeff Sessions is too smart to be someones patsy. His recusal supports this argument. Sessions see’s that the Russia investigation has some merit, and immediately takes his name out of the proceedings altogether. He also has been pretty publicly feuding with the president over the last month or so, mostly about things like not investigating Hillary Clinton and the aforementioned recusal.

2. He Might be Gone Soon

In addition to shitting on Sessions on twitter for the past few weeks, President Trump has also noted he might like to have a new Attorney General. The pick is none other than Rudy Giuliani, the only cybersecurity expert that I’m sure fights with Alexa about why she ordered him stuff. Since Trump has already lined up Sessions’ replacement, and Sessions himself doesn’t seem like he’s enjoying his new job, he might jump ship before he has to do anymore illegal acts.

Reasons He Is:

1. Chaos is a ladder

No that was a joke. Although it kind of works here. Sessions climbed his way up Trump’s ranks with a lot more ease than everyone else, but he was involved enough with the campaign. If (at this point it’s looking a lot more like when) the campaign becomes toxic, Sessions is just as screwed as everyone else.

2. He lied under oath a bunch

This one is pretty self explanatory and is likely to be what he’s nabbed on above all else. When he was being sworn in, Sessions lied about his contacts with Russia during the campaign. You’re uh…you’re not supposed to lie under oath.

There’s still plenty of time to see how this all plays out, Sessions could get off scott free. He could also be sent to jail for a long ass time. There’s precedent for both of these outcomes, so I guess the game isn’t quite over. It’s a fun game though, so we can enjoy playing it for a little longer.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *