You’re All Witnessing History…
We’re gonna try something new here folks, so try to keep up. Welcome to Top 5 Tuesday’s!! Like you maybe guessed, every Tuesday all of us lovely contributors here at basementbanter.com will compile a top 5 list on a previously decided upon topic, picked by a different member of the staff every week. Anything goes here people, we’re really changing up the rules here (but what are the rules?!) to the point where there are no more rules, so while we’re racking our brains coming up with topics and compiling the subsequent lists, all you have to do is appreciate the #grind. This week we have the best nicknames in all of sports!
Top 5 Sports Nicknames
Yea, I’ll kick it off, no worries. Let’s get it
Gary “The Glove” Payton
– He really did fit like a glove. Just ask MJ.
Tony “The Grindfather” Allen
– The says a lot about my player preference, and also how hard Tony Allen was on the court.
Charles “The Round Mound of Rebound” Barkley
– He’s round, and the only season he averaged less than 10 boards per game was his rookie one.
Reggie “The Minister of Defense” White
– This is just one of the most elegant, appropriate, and badass nicknames that any person from any sport would be lucky to have.
Bill “Spaceman” Lee
– In the interests of properly representing most every major sport in the US, here comes Spaceman, called that because of his in-and-out mental state as well as his off the field antics. Fun fact he also has his own brand of wine and ran for Governor of Vermont in 2016 on the Liberty Union Party Ticket. Look him up.
Allen “The Answer” Iverson
– If you thought you posed the hint of a question for Allen while defending him, he had an answer for you.
Karl “The Mailman” Malone
– The man delivered.
I’m a basketball fan, what of it. See what the author
lovely authors have to say!
Billy the Adult:
“He Hate Me” – Rod Smart
– The most in your face sports nickname ever
“Refrigerator Perry” – William Perry
– Refrigerator is just a perfect nickname to describe the man.
“The Big Fundamental” – Tim Duncan
– The flashiest plain nickname in history
“Shoeless Joe Jackson” – Joe Jackson
– He didn’t do it
“Pistol Pete Maravich” – Pete Maravich
– An NBA legend that is not talked about enough
Jack “The Golden Bear” Nicklaus
– If you think this isn’t the GOAT nickname, you’re probably just jealous that you’re not “The Golden” anything.
Kelly “Mapledick” Olynyk
– This needs no explanation. Mapledick isn’t the flashiest player, but every now and then he’ll have a performance that reminds people not to sleep on his sweet sweet mapledick.
“The Greatest” Muhammad Ali
– I like this one because it’s clear it’s not the first time someone has been nicknamed the greatest. The difference here is it’s Muhammad Ali, so it stuck.
Travis Shaw, “The Mayor of Ding Dong City”
– Though no longer a Red Sox player, the name remains and when you hit ding dongs like he (sometimes) does, you can keep the name.
Glen “Big Baby” Davis
– This one is funny because it was given to him when he was a child who was forced to play with kids older than him. They made fun of him for being beat up by 14 year olds as a 12 year old and everyone just kept doing it.
5. Walter Payton: “Sweetness”
Walter Payton is, without a doubt, one of the best running backs of all time. But he was also one of the best dudes of all time, being universally liked and respected by his teammates and coaches. He supposedly earned the name because of his soft, high-pitched voice.
4. Earvin “Magic” Johnson
Anyone whose ever watched a basketball highlight compilation on YouTube (so like 90% of the world, I have to imagine) knows that Magic Johnson does some magical shit with the ball, so there’s no question the man earned his name. But pretty much everyone in the universe except for Michael Wilbon knows him as Magic, so his nickname for sure deserves a spot on the all-time list.
3. William “Refrigerator” Perry
The Fridge is another great example of a nickname that precedes the “Christian name.” But Perry is here because he has the second most appropriate nickname of all time after number 1 on this list. Sure, there are more intimidating things than a refrigerator, but the point remains that once that thing has a bit of momentum there’s nothing a human could do to stop it without construction equipment. Plus, Perry is a well-known food enthusiast (I saw him on Paula Deen once) and refrigerators are always full of food, too perfect.
2. George Herman Ruth: “The Babe,” “The Sultan of Swat,” “The King of Crash,” “The Colossus of Clout,” “The Maharajah of Mash,” “The Terrible Titan,” “The Behemoth of Bust,” “The Great Bambino!”
The Babe has it all. One of the most dominant athletes ever, and universally known by a great nickname. But the Maharajah of Mash was so great that he captivated the hearts of the Roaring Twenties so well that he had an entire up-and-coming nation spending its free time coming up with clever nicknames for him.
1. Tom Brady: “The GOAT”
No explanation necessary.
5. Martin Johnson – ‘Ferengi’
The guy is ugly from getting hit in the face so much playing rugby. I mean he’s a many man so he has that but his look became his calling card and not quite like how you’d expect.
4. John Daley – ‘Long John’
Supposedly called such for the way he hits the ball off the tee but I think it’s for other reasons. Either way, he sounds like a pair of underwear you wear ice fishing.
3. Rudolf Wanderone – ‘Minnesota Fats’
Sticking with big dudes playing sports that are dubious (Fats played pool) we reach this point. The two most remarkable things about this guy was his weight and where he was from. Turned into a riot of a nickname.
2. William Staton – ‘Weenie Beenie’
No idea what that means but still top 5 material. Another pool player from a few decades ago, a time when Weenie was still cool slang, he was apparently short and a kill-joy. Solid nickname though.
1. Alex Gall – ‘Trainwreck’
The man was simply known as a Trainwreck, which is equal parts hardcore and sad. The dude is still alive though and still skateboards I think. Not sure, dude kind of disappeared. Guy totally got hit by a train though (literally) which is way hardcore. Definitely deserves his nickname and the rank of No. 1.
Walter Payton – Sweetness
He is simply one of the greatest running backs of all time. His combination of power, speed, and grace earned him the beatuifully simple nickname, Sweetness. It was a perfect description of watching him run. Every play was just so, so sweet to watch.
Nigerian Nightmare – Christian Okoye
The former Kansas running back was a god damn beast. He was massive, fast, and a truck. He wound run people over like it was nobodies business. Standing at 6 feet 1 inch and 254 lbs and running deceptively fast, he was a nightmare for defenses.
The Great One – Wayne Gretzky
No real explanation is needed. He was just stupidly good. No one comes close to him in greatness. He is the only undisputed G.O.A.T. in any major sport. He is simply The Great One.
This nickname is so good, and so close to the man, that it is basically his first name right now. Honestly, as of writing this I am not sure if he changed his name to that, because it is literally his name. Like nobody calls him Earvin Johnson. His name is Magic.
Big Papi – David Ortiz
The living legend of Fenway, the Dominican was great until his very last season. Watching the Sox without him is so different, and a lot worse. We miss him so much.
So there you have it folks, new beginnings are a trip aren’t they? We put the work in, we gave the topic some thought, we pushed our hardest, and now it seems as though we all have different opinions or something? huh… Anyway, we really hope you enjoyed our lists of greatest nicknames in sports. If you have any that you think we missed, than please let us know, get at us on here or any of our social media platforms that we love so much. Be sure to check in here every Tuesday for more editions of what is sure to become, dare I say, your favorite weekly column here at basementbanter!