August 4th, 1790–> Happy Birthday US Coast Guard!!
A very happy birthday to the most badass branch of the US armed services, the Coast Guard. Go ahead, challenge that take. I promise it’s not a slight to the other branches, but look at how much Coast the US has. 12,380 miles of coastline, the 9th most in the world. By definition these brave men and women have to guard all of it. AND they are doing this with significantly less personnel than any other branch. Created on August 4th 1790 at the request of one Alexander Hamilton as the Revenue Marine, it is the oldest continuous seagoing service of the United States. Originally intended to collect customs duties at seaports, and by the late 1800s it became known as the Revenue Cutter Service. The Coast Guard that we know and love came to be because of a merger of the U.S. Life-Saving Service and the Revenue Cutter Service in January of 1915. The Coast Guard has been involved in every U.S. war from its birth, to the War in Iraq and the War in Afghanistan. Relative to the other Armed services it may seem small, but if it stood on its own it would be the 12th largest naval force in the world. Thank you, ladies and gentleman of the Coast Guard (shout out to the homies) and a great big happy birthday from all of us here at BasementBanter.com!
August 4th, 1944–> Frank Family is Captured
Today in history, Nazi Gestapo scum find famous diarist Anne Frank and her family in an Amsterdam warehouse, acting on a tip from a Dutch informer. The Frank family took refuge in 1942 due to the threat of deportation to a Nazi concentration camp. They lived there with another Jewish family and a Jewish man, and were brought food and supplies by some friends. Anne spent most of the time in the “secret annex” working on her diary. The diary emerged after the war, forgotten by the Gestapo, but Anne and nearly all of the others died in death camps.
August 4th, 1936–> Jesse Owens Wins Gold in Germany
Let’s keep it rolling, shall we? The “Buckeye Bullet” as he was known (completely blundered that in our Top 5 Sports Nicknames last week), was shown nothing but contempt from the Nazi Party of Germany, who happened to be hosting the 1936 Olympics (I was there), even after his extremely impressive college track and field career at Ohio State (hence the nickname). On this here August 4th, Owens gave an enormous middle finger to Hitler and his pathetic single testicle. Owens burst into the final, where he met Lutz Long, a Hitler lackey. Long tied Owens on his second jump, but Jesse answered with a mark of 26’ 5 ½”, the first jump over 26 feet in Olympic history. This record would keep for 24 years. As the two finalists walked arm in arm around the track, the German crowd cheered. Hitler, the child/sore loser that he was, had a hissy fit over not getting what he wanted and pouted his way out of the stadium, missing the medal ceremony entirely. Go Jesse!
August 4, 1961–> Happy Birthday to the Bad Barry!!
Before we lament the amount of progress that was possibly erased as a result of this most recent presidential election, let’s celebrate the man who spearheaded that very same progress. Barry meaning Barack, and bad meaning bad ass. Today we celebrate the birth of our country’s 44th and first black president, Barack Obama, AKA the Interceptor. Rule number one of meeting/hanging with Barry O is that you can never, and I mean NEVER, sleep on him. Barack signed into law such bills including, but certainly not limited to, The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, Dodd–Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Repeal Act, American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, the Tax Relief, Unemployment Insurance Reauthorization, and Job Creation Act of 2010 (Fuck you Recession!), and the Budget Control and the American Taxpayer Relief Acts, all while dealing with a historical shitty Congress. Let’s not forget the glorious murder of Osama Bin Laden, the successful fight for Same Sex Marriage legalization, the nuclear deal with Iran, the beginning normalization of relations with Cuba, and pushed conversations that would lead to the Paris Agreement. He leftn office with a 57% approval rating. **Mic Drop, prompt and stoic exit**. Thanks for everything, Barry!