Come One Come All!!!
Welcome everyone, and also congratulations. If you find yourself here right now, than you are bearing witness to a brand new column birthed by yours truly. In case you missed it, I’m not sure your level of reading comprehension, the new column is called face off. In it I will take two things, pit them up against each other, and declare a winner based on my personal feelings/ideology/preference. If at any time you fell the urge to @ me on twitter over my choices, PLEASE DO NOT FIGHT THAT URGE. If you feel so strongly that you must commend me for a choice you think is good, or berate me for a choice you think is bad, I reiterate, please do not hesitate to do so.
The Matchup: Sweet vs. Salty
So for the format I was thinking I would give a quick starting five for each option. After each starting five is set, I will deliberate and then decide based on the top 5 from each category.
- Didn’t see this one coming did ya? Well rule one of face off is to always stay on your toes. You never know what I’m gonna do next (or first in this situation). Victory is the sweetest, if you don’t agree maybe your from France? That’s the only logical explanation I have…
- Now I gave strawberries high praise, but I think the award for my favorite fruit that takes the highest food spot available on the sweet starting 5 has to go to watermelon. The perfect summer food (challenge me on that please) is appropriate for any occasion- a picnic, a barbecue, a fancy brunch in which the watermelon is assumedly the centerpiece of a fruit bowl, whatever you like. there’s something about biting into the perfect watermelon, the texture, the ripeness, the warm and inviting flavor. Whatever you look for, Watermelon has it all.
- Some people are turned off by the texture, but I for one couldn’t hate on strawberries if you paid me money too, and I’m not a person with a lot of money. But back to the topic at hand here. Strawberries are bright on your taste buds, they pack a super punch, and they are seemingly always in season.
- Who doesn’t like literally tasting a rainbow? Fascists, that’s who.
- Maybe a dark horse depending on your fruit preference, but I sneaky believe that mangos are the perfect fruit. The way you cut them is tricky but it makes sense once it’s done, and you really can’t be the taste. It’s like sugar that’s good for you!
- #1 snack of all time please argue me on this. Find me one person who can eat one handful of goldfish and not go back for another one. Oh wait, those people don’t exist. Goldfish are literally salt and cheese, um yea i think I’ll start them at the top.
2. French Fries
- Way way back, the Catholic Church said that when you add salt to something that is fried it is the top one holiest thing that humans can do. These are the elements of religion I take with me.
3. Tortilla Chips
- Obviously Goldfish are the clear #1, but the 2 spot was tough because of how much I love tortilla chips. When you find your brand that gives you the perfect salt/corn ratio? Maybe the best supermarket feeling. Flip side, when you branch out and a brand of chips has faaar too much salt, that is a day ruiner (@Shaws brand tortilla chips). I know this sounds psycho, but even eating them without salsa or guac is a good time. Just a classic snack and you know what makes it so classic? Yup.
- So stand alone pretzels would be enough to slot it in the top five, but then some genius goes ahead and creates Combos? Game over. Of course I am speaking of the cheddar cheese combos, if you regularly choose any other flavor I’m sorry but please stop voting.
- An institution in the snack game to round out the top five, I like very much. Find me a setting where peanuts don’t work- I swear they are the most versatile snack out there. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I think I would rather die than live with a bad peanut allergy. And to all the homies out there deprived of the wonderful world of peanuts, I seriously feel for you. You are truly stronger than I.
Okay, starting fives are in.
The Winner Is…
This is a weird one for me, and if you asked me like 8 years ago you would have caught me in my hard liner sweet phase. But now, I’ve been told I’ve aged so I’m assuming my taste buds have as well, and I think with this newfound maturity (HAHA) I gotta go salt here. The main thing for me is that with salt the limit is seemingly higher, meaning it takes more for me to get sick of it. With sweet, if you fill up to quickly you know the overload happened. Whereas with salt, you just drink some water, which is fire. So, yea, win win.
All hail salt.